As a child and As a person

I use to make excuses for my bad decisions by saying that such and such made me act that way. I use to make excuses about my hurt by justifying it by acting out.
What I learned?
If we allow what other people have done to us change us in a negative way then we are actually allowing them to control our life. When things happen in life, that should steer us in the direction of wanting better or being better.

As a mother..

As a mother we tend to hide what we are going through for the sake of the kids, but that will lead the kids into ignorance. You have  to use discretion though because they can't know everything. Sometimes in telling children things that they are not prepared to accept or hear,can make them confused and they can even end up turning on you,with too much information or not enough information. Its hard to make that call as to what to tell them and what not to tell them. Be prepared for the after effects of the truth. The truth is good, but when its told when someones mind is not mature enough to comprehend, that can lead to so many other problems.
Being once a child I know that children do not think about their mother's feelings not nearly as much as there own. And as a mother I learned that my own children view me the same way. As if I don't feel, as if I don't cry, as if I hadn't endured things. Sometimes they even see me as not knowing about life. Children also see the picture, but they didn't see what I had to go through to get that picture.
As a mother I learned that my children won't understand what it is like to be a parent, until they become one themselves.

As a daughter

As a daughter I learned that I was so selfish as many children are.
I regret it more now because I wish I could have made my mother smile and laugh more instead of cry. When I left my mother at 13 years old, I hurt her so much.
I should have never left. I wish I was well behaved. She didn't deserve that.
Growing up I realized that I really didn't think of her feelings, so I learned a really hard lesson. A lesson of regret.
So many things I went through in my life, I know my mother had to go through them and worse. I wish I could tell her how much I love her and what a strong woman she was. I can't though because shes gone. I miss her so much.
I learned how to appreciate my mother.

I feel compelled in starting this...

Its funny how we think we know it all at 20 and when 30 comes,we learn more and when 40 hits,you feel like you wasted so much time making the wrong decisions. You feel as though your on a mission to accomplish more and not make the same past mistakes. The truth is, its like starting all over. In my writing I will go over some life events. Some in details and some not in details, but I will have conclusions in what I learned from those experiences. Some are heart breaking, and some are pleasant, but yet and still, I learned alot. I learned how to be a better person, from my past mistakes.